After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
