An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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