Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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