at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
