he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
