OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
