The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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