the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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