If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
