i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
