She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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