I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
