Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
