If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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