yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
