I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
