I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
