Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
