I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
