for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
