dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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