Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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