his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
