I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
