Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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