where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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