she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize