I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
