If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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