apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
