i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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