It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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