Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
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You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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