Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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