1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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