I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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