your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
