If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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