You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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