Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
