so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
pop tarts are not kleenex
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
