Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
