I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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