So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
