Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
