i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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