you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
