In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize