fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
