He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
