Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
