Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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