I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
