I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
