It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
