I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
