we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize