you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
did i just pee glitter
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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