The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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