My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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