a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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