Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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