It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
