Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
