the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
