she was so not down for the gang bang
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
