At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
