Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't put those talents on a resume
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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