I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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