we have officially lost it.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize