Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
