i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wear drunk well.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
