maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
