just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
