walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize