he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
