Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
