Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Boobs are out for the taking
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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