you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
