This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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