My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
